06 February 2011
at this point of time i really feel like burying myself. i hurt enough and idk how much longer must i hold on. i had a conflict with boyfriend and we haven't talk to each otha for already four days straight. i wonder whats gonna happen between me and boyfriend. i'm worried. fcking worried. 'cus i don't want this relationship gone to waste. i've tried to work things out. i've tried enough but boyfriend isn't. he's been telling me to give him some time to control himself but how much longer? i had never gone through this kinda situation before so that explains why i'm not strong enough. i'm afraid. afraid that boyfriend would make a decision to leave me. even if he does then i've got nothing to say. maybe we're only meant to be bestfriends like how we used to be? maybe you're better off without me? idk baby. i just need you to come back so we could talk things out and get over everything. i'll take all the blames. yea it was my fault for not entertaining you last thursday. but at the same time it was your fault too. 'cus you left me alone with no one to talk to while you're busy fishing and laughing your ass out with your friends. i can say that only Ramdhan & Shol who were always there for me. when Ahrul came he had no one to talk to. so i started a conversation and i admit we're fcking close. but that doesn't mean we had "feelings" for each otha. he's two years younger than me which is equals to my brotha's age. i treated him like my own brotha and not more than that. he too already had a girlfriend. i've got you. so why do you hafta think negatively? yknow i loved you. like so motherfcking much. so whatcha say? hmms. you're lucky enough that i'm trying to stay strong and i'm getting back on my feet on my fcking own when i fall. you're lucky enough 'cus i'm being patient for your sake my sake our sake. you're lucky enough that i'm not the type of girl who doesn't care abt you and your feelings and start flirting with other guys. i still story-tell my friends abt how lucky i am to have you as a boyfriend how much i really do love you and how happier i am with my life with you now. they still don't know what i'm going through. they wanna see me happy so i had to pretend. but how much longer must i be a drama-queen? two more days to your birthday. & believe it or not i've saved up some of my money to buy something or treat you a meal. if only that could happen in another two days time. so here i am. waiting. ;(Labels: i'm gonna hold you down like a soldier.
